Quarantine and Grace
Atlanta, Georgia has been in Quarantine for 2 months. It all happened so abruptly. One minute I’m listening to my daughter passionately profess the love she has of her soon-to-be new anime hoodie while in line at Hot Topic, the next I’m begging both of my kids to pay attention to their teachers during virtual classes and turn in all of their work because I can’t do this through summer if they get summer school. I’M ON THE BRINK OF MADNESS!
Wait- did I miss another conference call?
Before the world retreated inside, I was a remote worker struggling to juggle a corporate career and a family, while trying desperately to build my dream career as a comedian. I was beyond busy and stressed and exhausted. Life was enslaving me (which is weird because “life” isn’t even a human) and I was simply trying to keep it all going. I know I wasn’t the only one. Right?
Most of the people I work with at my “day job” work from home at least part of the time and I know they had other obligations to take care of, too. But I seemed to be the only one flailing around trying to keep up with all of my work, running to school to watch all the kids’ programs, picking one or both up from practice, and rushing to the bus stop between meetings every afternoon. Everyone else seemed to be so organized and focused. Everyone else seemed so… adult.
Remember the BBC news segment of 2017 when Professor Robert Kelly’s child adorably charged into the room during his live interview and paraded around while he was trying to keep his focus and ignore the chaos until his wife could wrangle the rogue babe? Now imagine that but without anyone to wrangle the rogue babe. That’s been my life. Every single workday.
My husband works in healthcare and can’t help contain chaos while I lead conference calls, strategize transformation, or meticulously model the financial impact of bonus payouts for 1,200 people in six different currencies… or when I’m on a video conference with the CEO of my company and all of our executives and my eight year-old son decided to run into my office donning only his underwear to show me he’s learned how “Elvis dances”. You’d think I’d have a way to better contain the crazy by now. I don’t.
What’s wrong with me? Why am I struggling so much?
Did no one else ever have a childcare issue on a teacher workday? Did no one else ever have to deal with a tantrum-throwing six year old while trying to attend the 8th conference call of the day? Did no one else feel like they were drowning?
Cut to March, video conference calls began to catch glimpses of co-workers’ children. From time to time someone would abruptly disconnect video and go on mute without explanation only to come right back looking like they got into a fight with the Tasmanian Devil. Honest responses to unreasonable meeting time requests became more common: “I can’t attend a 7pm call. I have family to take care of”. Hallelujah!!! It wasn’t just me all along!
Not everyone has children but everyone has someone or something that they have to care for and give undivided attention from time to time. It means we care about other humans. It means we have a life outside of a job working for a company that would replace us without a second thought. It means we have priorities with other people (or sometimes even ourselves) at the top of the list.
This Covid-19 shat is terrible. I hate being stuck inside. I hate that people are sick and dying. I hate that people are scared. I hate that people are losing their businesses and jobs. There is no silver lining that can make all of that “worth it”. I can, however, say that by going through quarantine and seeing how others are working remotely I now know I was never alone. People were just really good at hiding their chaos before private life and work life collided.
I hope we remember this. I hope that when we come out of this bullshat we remember the times that we needed grace and it was given without question. I hope we remember times when we felt overwhelmed and were able to commiserate with team members about how stressful it is to be a human sometimes. I hope we remember it all vividly so that when a co-worker is struggling to juggle a sick child AND your deadline, you can extend some relief without a grudge. Or when a team member needs to take care of a sick or aging parent you can extend a hand without the expectation of a favor in return. I hope when someone we work with or a friend needs grace and understanding, we remember this time when we all need it so desperately and we’re quick to be as generous.
Now that areas are starting to emerge from hiding, I hope we all come out with more compassion. I hope that we all remember that we all have obligations and distractions we’re working through and trying to manage. I hope life continues to move with more purpose and better prioritized. But most of all, I hope my twelve year old daughter forgets about the creepy black choker she wanted to buy at Hot Topic before the mall closed down. Would it be bad to tell her that Hot Topic contracted COVID-19 and unfortunately didn’t make it?
