Over the course of becoming an adult, I had a lot of “dream jobs”. Marine biologist so I could swim with dolphins, soap opera actress so I could slap people and get paid for it, famous so I could have a lot of money but not have to work… I had it figured out. Funny, nowhere in that list was “door maker”. Turns out though, that’s a job we should all have.
Chaos is ever present in the narrative that is my life. No matter how hard I fight against it, it’s still there. So if it’s never going to go away, can I learn to use it to my advantage?
Ugh. That’s how I felt for the first few years after becoming a mom to each of my kids. Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE being their mommy. I fell in love with them the moment I felt their tiny, yet surprisingly powerful feet kung fu kick my innards. But I wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming, suffocating amount of stress and defeat and frustration that comes from being NEEDED by a tiny human day in and day out. All the while juggling a career and managing a household and still finding time and strength to lovingly pour my black, dead, exhausted heart into my marriage.
We females are rightfully quick to stand up for gender equality and empowerment but when the time comes to stand up for our personal value, time and time again we settle for much less. Whether we’re looking to advance our career, experience a healthy relationship, or receive the amount of respect we know we deserve, ladies talk a big game. I say it’s about time we start winning it!
Shopping for clothes on the internet has become one of my favorite hobbies. As a performer, I love stepping onto the stage in a brand new sassy outfit. And if I can hide my fupa and cover my cellulite with sparkles and sequins… heck yes, I feel unstoppable.
Can we talk about the aspect of motherhood that no one mentioned before I became a mom? Right up there with mom guilt, overall feelings of inadequacy, and true meaning of exhaustion… shopping for clothes to wear on my body after having a baby was something for which I didn’t know I should have better prepared.
I love my family more than anything in the world. My husband and my kids deserve more than I could ever give them so I spend my days doing my very best to care for them as well as I can. However, I swear to all things holy that if I spend one more minute making a meal that no one eats, y’all might see my story on an episode of Snapped.
When the fun level dwindles and the tantrums rise (I’m working on better handling stress, y’all), I begin to fantasize of simpler times when I drop the kids off at school and have eight uninterrupted hours to take care of business. I can usually work AND find time to sneak away to the gym so that when the kids get home, I can give them my undivided focus. It’s still tough to keep up with the routine of getting the kids to school on time, handling the unexpected late afternoon conference calls that inevitably pop up from time to time, and getting the kids home, but I know exactly what needs to happen when. But then that’s eight hours of time with them that I’ll never get back. Aaaand that’s where the mom guilt comes in.
Thanks to shows like Nailed It, America’s Funniest Videos, and Keeping Up with the Kardashians, we all know that even the best planning, intentions, and preparation don’t always equate to flawless execution. And that fact doesn’t always bode well for our New Year’s Resolutions. This week, some of us will gather up the shattered goals and broken resolutions that have accumulated over the past twelve months to once again falsely promise ourselves with even better intentions that “THIS is gonna be the year”. Gyms will be packed. Financial advisors will have a packed schedule. Health-food stores will be packed. Life coaches will be busy. Keto recipe blogs will break the internet faster than Kim Kardashian’s arse. However, all you regular gym goers know that if you can just wait a few weeks, that yoga class will be back to just you, Sharon, and Tiphi soon enough. Because resolutions are mostly shat. So… can we stop it with the resolutions??? Defeating, deflating resolutions. Instead, I say we focus on the outcomes we want and exercise some self-mercy in the process.
Grownups have more life experience than kids. That’s a well-known fact that I’m pretty sure science has proven. But there are some questions that I still don’t have the answer to, even with the additional day or two on this planet. If you or someone you love can answer any of the questions that follow please leave a comment. It’s almost keeping me up at night.
Omg, y’all! It’s a day in honor of Tequila! National Tequila Day gives you all an excuse to enjoy the devil’s water on a Wednesday. So hope you have an extra sick day you can use for tomorrow!
Remember that “Staycation” I mentioned? Well, I TOOK IT! Oh, I took it hard. And I discovered that the joy of the staycation is relaxing, refocusing, and uncovering hidden gems in your own backyard. My kiddies and I played, swam, adventured, and painted the town proving that you don’t have to go far to have a successful ‘cation.
Listen up, y’all! If you’ve never had the delicious, sweet nectar of south Heaven, I’m about to blow your mind. That’s right! Imma show you how to make SWEET TEA. Aka, black gold. Aka, legal, drinkable crack.
So you wanna go on a glorious vacation but don’t have the time, money, or permission from your parole officer to leave your town. No worries! There’s an alternative! Y’all, I’m bout to have myself a Staycation. That means I’m gonna go on a ‘cation but I’m not going a-vay. Instead, I’mma stay. As in: stay at my house but I’m gonna ACT like I’m at the beach.
We made it to the weekend! (Not The Weeknd as in the “singer” cuz that would be stalking from what I’ve been told.).
Do I know how to make the best guacamole you’ve ever placed inside your face hole? Yes. Will it convert even the most ardent avocado haters into guacamole crack heads? Also yes. So be careful before you put the instructions below into action. Like an innocent Target run to “just get a loaf of bread”, things could get out of hand.
I didn’t understand the importance of having a tribe until I became a parent. The reality of becoming a mom was so different than I expected. I was terrified. And there’s no book that ACTUALLY tells you how to do it. No “expert” has all the answers. We’re all doing the best we can to raise our tiny humans to become productive members of society.
BRAY-KIN NEWS! Did y’all know that it’s National Donut Day??? I’ll give you a moment so that you can run to the nearest donut shop.
After ELEVEN years, we’ve finally been able to give our kids the summer they (and we) deserve. Ladies (and maybe, like, one gentleman) I present to you… THE UNSTRUCTURED SUMMER!
I don’t know if you are aware, but June 4th is a pretty big deal. Not because it’s 6 days until my husband’s birthday. Not because it’s 16 days until my son’s birthday either. Even better!
IT’S NATIONAL ROSE DAY!
