How My Unconventional Parents Made My Childhood Amazing
“Am I screwing up my kids?”
That was, is, and will always be the most frequent parenting thought that pops into my head. As a perfectionist, I want to be PERFECT at everything I do. Yes, even parenthood- ESPECIALLY parenthood. Not rational, I get it. But still what I strive to achieve no matter what I’m undertaking.
When I found out I was gonna be a mom, I was so excited. And scared. Excited because I was going to be entrusted to love this little being for life, to keep my precious nugget safe and protected no matter what. Scared because there are no do-overs. One mistake could impact a child forever! A lot of little mistakes can build up over time & what if my baby grows up unable to function because I messed up?! Then I remembered when I was a kid.
My parents are very different from each other. My mom embodies the term “southern lady”. She’s kind & selfless. She’s beautiful & FUN. Not fun in a “crazy” kind of way where you’re riding a terrifying roller coaster that may kill you. She’s fun in a “top down in a convertible on a beautiful day” kind of way. Being with her always made me feel safe. With her I felt taken care of. Like she had all the answers. She taught me the importance of being on time & taking responsibility for myself & my actions. She taught me the importance of being financially smart & paying bills on time.
Then there’s my dad.
My dad- well, my dad is independent & a true non-conformist. He’s FUN. But a different kind of fun. My dad is the roller coaster kind of fun. And even as a child I would wonder, “Is this coaster safe? Should my dad have allowed me on this thing? Am I tall enough? Not sure but he seems to know what he’s doing??” And then it’s over! I was so terrified a minute ago but now that I’m on solid ground again it wasn’t too bad & in fact, I kind of wanna go again!
Growing up with my dad was like- well, imagine if you will: Ozzy Osborne, Lloyd Christmas, Mr. Bean, & Kramer all figured out how to have a baby. That baby grew up to be my dad. He is a genius-level creative. He makes connections that I would never be able to see. He’s quirky. Social norms are totally lost on him because he does what he wants to do when he wants to do it. He doesn’t care if he makes you uncomfortable by being too loud at a restaurant. He’s excited to tell his kids about his day over dinner at Outback, dammit!
While my mom was teaching me important life skills, my dad was telling my sister & me the dangers of LSD that he learned first-hand. Or reenacting The Wizard of Oz in the middle of a grocery story because he found a stick that reminded him of a specific scene. While my mom took me to work at her company when I was old enough, my dad took me to AA meetings when I was three. Which makes things a little awkward on the playground when all the other kids instinctively recite nursery rhymes during circle time & I’m screaming “keep coming back cuz it works if you work it!” For those of you lucky enough to not know, that’s how each AA meeting ends.
Both of my parents are amazing. And I am who I am because of both of them. I can’t imagine, & don’t want to imagine what my life would be like without either of them- mistakes, quirks & all. Looking back, they were the BEST parents. Perfect. Not because they didn’t make mistakes, but because they gave my sister and me everything they were. They loved us with their whole hearts in the very best way they could.
That’s what makes us great parents: loving with all we have, giving our kids all we are, being present as much as we can. Have I made mistakes? Yes. And I’ll make them still, because I’m human. And impulsive & inconsistent but that’s a different discussion for a different time.
Some kids grow up holding onto the mistakes of their parents. Sometimes kids in the same family with the same upbringing can walk away with very different childhood experiences. I can’t promise that my kids won’t grow up to hate me because I yelled that one time (just once… ok, you got me). But what I can do is live each day for my kiddies, doing my very best to love them. Doing my very best raise them to respect & love themselves & others. Maybe if we all parent in a way that glorifies God first, honors our spouses, respects the wisdom of our elders, & lifts up the little spirits of our babies we’ll all succeed! That’s what I hope for all of us Momma’s. And don’t hide your eccentricities from your babies. Teach them to embrace theirs.
Stay pretty, y’all.
