The Hard Path to Easy
I’ve prayed the same prayer for a long time now: that God would allow me to uncover the talents He gave me so that I may live the life He intended for me. When I first started praying this prayer I thought I was asking for an easier life. What I’ve learned, though, is quite the opposite.
This prayer started for me as an acknowledgment that I knew I wasn’t fulfilling my purpose. The revelation that began as an uncomfortable itch gradually became more unbearable every day as I raised my kids to chase their dreams, knowing I wasn’t living that truth for myself.
Going to work every day with the feeling in the pit of my stomach that there’s more to life than what I was doing wasn’t how I wanted to spend every day of my life. Having to fight with myself every minute of every day to complete a job that didn’t highlight my ability was emotionally draining and depressing. At the end of the day I had nothing left for my family. I wanted more for myself and my family. They deserved a better version of me. But I didn’t know what that “more” was. So I did what I always do when I need an answer I don’t have. I prayed.
We innately know when we aren’t where He wants us, whether or not we want to admit it. The restlessness of His urging is impossible to settle with anything but giving in. The tricky part is that He doesn’t give us step-by-step directions to get to the road he has laid out just for each one of us.
I don’t know this for sure, but I think He doesn’t spell it out for us so that we have to listen. We have to quiet our souls, our minds. As someone who has a terrible time with both being quiet and being still, I’m at a disadvantage here. I’m the one running in circles yelling “What, God?” And he’s standing still, head hanging in embarrassment as his creation just won’t LISTEN! {Parents, you know what I’m taking about}
As a result, I’ve spend the past 10 years of my life trying to figure out my path WITHOUT the whole “quiet and still” part. For the record, I haven’t gotten too far (is “gotten” a word? I know it is here in the south but is it a REAL word? Whatever. I’m sticking by my choice). AAAAAAnyway, much like a toddler who refuses to sleep despite exhaustion’s inevitable victory, I’m finally giving in. I’m learning how to quiet my mind. I’m trying so hard to calm my body. And I think it’s working!
I don’t know that I’ll ever feel as though I’m truly and fully giving this world what I’m intended to give but I’m excited at the possibility of what I’ll learn. And maybe… juuuuuust maybe, I’ll find my purpose along the way. So that’s my prayer for all of us… that we uncover our purpose and live life to the fullest. And if we fail, that’s ok… at least we’re pretty!
